this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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