; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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