Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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