I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
