I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
