you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
