She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I forgot wine drunk hurts
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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