sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
