I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
