whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
