I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
