Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
