I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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