i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
