I'll bet she douches with gravy.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
