So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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