Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
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her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
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I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Shame - the story of my life.
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