I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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