you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
