I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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