Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
