My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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