First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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