I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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