I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
