I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I would fuck him just for his dog
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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