Don't you send me to vm
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
