you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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