Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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