just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
my shit smells like andre
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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