paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
