i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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