"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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