he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
