You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
