Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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