I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I need to calm my uterus...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
