Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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