just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
