I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
