Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize