If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i came on her dog
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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