So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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