She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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