i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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