I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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