I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
