if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
