If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
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If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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