I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
