if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
