**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I stole a fireplace last night.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
