Where did you get a picture of my penis
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
