That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
