I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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