I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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