I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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